The world around children in SOS Children's Villages must be predictable and the closest to the common pattern. Therefore, the more complete foster families, the better - says Magdalena Bartnik.
Interview with Magdalena Bartnik, psychologist, family coordinator at the SOS Children's Villages Association
Why did you decide to change the direction of searching for new foster parents. Once upon a time, a single parent was enough. Now you are talking about father and mother, you do not mind whole families with children …
The search for new ways to reach willing parents in our villages results in part from the general crisis in foster care. The fact that there is a deficit of foster parents does not only come down to a discussion about insufficient financial and psychological-therapeutic support for them. But it also results from the fact that parents want to take care of their children in shifts. They don't want to give up their careers for them.
We direct our offer to full families also because apart from one foster family that brings up children in Karlino, today we have only single mothers. And we want to change these proportions a little. We see how the so-called uncles, i.e. family assistants in our villages, are snapped up by children. We even created a model for the village family, so that it would be easier for willing masters to decide (and the children had an appropriate, also male model). If we get married - then we urge our father not to give up his career. First, so that the situation is he althy for an ambitious man. However, also so that children can see that someone is earning a home and that money does not fall from the sky.
I also talked to single candidates for surrogate fathers several times. However, they were terrified by all the responsibilities and the fact that they have to go through the entire recruitment process, identical to the future mother of the village.
The recruitment process is probably long and the requirements for foster parents are high?
At least a year passes from the moment you contact us to work in SOS Children's Village. Nevertheless, please remember that it is a care and educational institution, so we must take care of the professionalism of people working here with children. The more that due to the principle that we do not separate brothers and sisters, we specialize in raising numerous siblings -families have six or even eight people. These are usually children with particularly traumatic experiences, related not only to the alcoholism of their parents, the use of violence, sexual harassment or extreme emotional, material and mental neglect, but also to early separation and division among other foster families that failed to cope with the task. Some children have also experienced several years of separation in care institutions.
Before we decide whether the future caregivers are suitable, we will then look at the personalities of potential foster parents - are they emotionally stable, have an organized life, are they able to solve crises, will they not make it even bigger? confusion in the lives of children. We will bet on those with a pedagogical verve - who, nomen omen - we try to support. At the beginning by organizing 300-hour psychological and pedagogical workshops. Then we encourage the parents - or at least one of them - to complete their knowledge in pedagogical studies, if they have not graduated from such studies.
And what should parents know about children who want to help them?
They should know they have hard work to do. We receive children who, for example, sleep in the same bed with their siblings because they are afraid of themselves. When they have supper, they eat and hide their food in their pockets because they think they won't get it tomorrow. They have learning difficulties. They have low self-esteem. Each uncertain situation causes them to withdraw. Others are aggressive. But there are also kids who, despite their hard experiences, are happy and calm. As in any family, there is a competition between them for the attention and time of the parent. There are also children who just have a long history of being a child. For example, the eldest sister, who never had the opportunity to be a little girl, because she looked after her younger brothers.
Besides, parents who decide to work with us must also realize that we put a lot of emphasis on cooperation with the biological family and real contact with it. Therefore, we prefer children from areas closer to Children's Villages - so that biological parents can visit us. Which does not mean, of course, that we do not want the children to stay in the villages as long as possible, because they must be returned to biological families as soon as possible. On the contrary, they usually stay under the care of an association before they are able to lead an independent adult life. One of the goals of their stay in Children's Villages is to rebuild the bond between the child and the adult (in this case the foster parent).
Contact with biological parents is really that hard for foster parents?
Foster parents find it hard not to expectgratitude from the children for whom they do so much. But sometimes children miss and remember their relatives best, and sometimes they will not show this gratitude to foster parents. And certainly not as seen in American movies. Our pupils, after reaching the age of majority, are often able to do everything to return to their biological family. A foster parent can help a child to have a chance, despite a difficult past, to go through life in a different way than the biological parents. However, it is not always successful, and this must also be remembered.
Where contact with a parent is toxic or dangerous, it must of course be regulated. But even then, it is necessary to work on making the child remember about the mother and father, and keep them in his heart. The biological bond is practically unbreakable - and foster parents must know about it.
The matter must be approached calmly. Parents in our villages have real psychological and therapeutic support, we help them not to burn out. They can consult more experienced educators who will describe to them the process of their child. Why is she crying, hysterical, was happy, and now is sad. We offer our employees assistance through participation in numerous trainings and systematic supervision. For two years we have also been organizing help for new families by supporting a "helpful nanny".
You use the word job to describe the responsibilities of foster parents in the villages. I've met a few. They love - and certainly treat - the children they raise as theirs. They do it with passion, out of love. Maybe they are artists and not craftsmen?
Of course, our foster parents are brave people who - guided by the needs of the heart - wanted to change and make their lives more valuable and meaningful. Anyway, this is how they explain it themselves that they wanted to sacrifice themselves for someone. They were often former employees of social therapy clubs, teachers who want to have a greater influence on what happens with the children they bring up.
Being a parent in our SOS Children's Village is de facto a job for a professional. Guardians are employed by us, they receive a salary for raising children, as well as logistical and material assistance. It is much greater than the one granted by the state to foster families outside the villages.
To sum up - yes, you are right - they are people who do their work with passion and great dedication. They have an open heart for a child who needs help, but also an open mind to know how to help wisely.