Grandma is the best babysitter for grandchildren - trusted, loving, blowing and puffing at every movement of a toddler. Many young parents think that when children appear in the world, mothers will quickly return to work, and grandmothers will take care of the babies. And everything is fine as long as Grandma wants it too. Because he doesn't have to.

Grandma is an institution. One of the closest people for a child, who will always hug, embrace, feed, show the world with her eyes. He will take you for a walk, cook pancakes, sit on his lap and tell a story.

Can a grandmother refuse to look after her grandchildren?

For many young parents, grandma is a salvation - thanks to her, mothers can quickly return to work, knowing that their children are under the best care. They don't have to stress about hiring a babysitter and wonder how the child will react to a stranger. They don't have to spend a lot of money on a private nursery, where the toddler will probably get sick every now and then. Grandma is a treasure.

Caring for a grandson or grandchildren is a great family solution, provided that all parties are satisfied with it. Because grandma does not have to look after her grandchildren, it is not her duty. If she does not feel strong or simply does not want to spend time with her grandchildren every day, she has every right to refuse her children. And they should respect it instead of taking offense.

Working grandma

Contemporary grandmothers are different from those from several dozen years ago. Today, many grandmothers are professionally active when their grandchildren are born - they work full-time and only come home in the afternoon. Even for this reason, they cannot take care of their grandchildren. In addition, they have their own life - they exercise, go to zumba, aerobics and swimming. They meet with friends, go to the cinema, go on vacation.

Grandmothers live like their children with the difference that they finally have time to take care of themselves. They have already fulfilled their duty and raised their children, they can focus on making their dreams come true. Raising grandchildren is not their responsibility and one cannot expect (or even worse - demand!) That they change their whole lives in order to take care of other (after all) children. The role of people who look after the child and show him the world should be fulfilledparents.

How to refuse to look after your grandchildren?

In practice it seems simple, but in reality it is very difficult. Many grandmothers are embarrassed by the mere prospect of having such a conversation with their children. They are afraid of being misunderstood, that their daughter or son will think they are leaving them in need.

Meanwhile, every person has the right to make free choices. Eight or ten hours of looking after your grandchildren is hard work for which the nannies are paid. This is not just time to play. The child needs to be fed, changed, changed, taken for a walk with him, and when he falls ill - call a doctor and administer medications (which is difficult with young children). Not every grandmother has to feel strong enough to make such a commitment. She has every right to refuse children. How to do it so as not to lead to a family quarrel?

  • Start a conversation when everyone is relaxed. There is no point in talking about it when a son or daughter is standing in the doorway with a crying child and rushing to kindergarten for an older child. Better to wait for the right moment when you can sit down at the table and talk calmly.
  • Be honest with the kids about your objections. If you do not have the strength to carry the baby in your arms and you are afraid that you will not be up to the task of caring for him all day, just tell them about it.
  • Emphasize that you love your grandson the most, but that doesn't mean you can devote all your free time to him. Remember that you have the right to your own life and to decide for yourself what you will do in your free time. And that doesn't mean you don't love the baby too much.
  • Reassure children that you will always help them in crisis situations, e.g. you will stay with the toddler when he gets sick. You will support them in their care when you can.

After such a conversation, conducted in a calm atmosphere, no one should be offended.

Times have changed

It cannot be denied that times have changed a lot. Our mothers eagerly used the help of their mothers or mother-in-law, but because then the women stayed at home. So it shouldn't be an objection to grandmothers: "You don't want to help us with the baby, and you were helped." It cannot be denied that this was the case very often, but today life is different and you have to come to terms with it, instead of looking for reasons for family quarrels.

Grandmothers used to spend time at home so they could watch over their grandchildren. Children were not as much bent over as they are today. Grandmothers looked after the house or farm, and grandchildren participated in family life - they helped grandparentsin making preserves, at work in the fields or played alone.

Today the little ones have a problem with it. They are overwhelmed and increasingly unable to take care of themselves. Therefore, caring for them is different than before and requires much more commitment.

"Someone will have to take care of you too"

When a grandmother refuses to take care of her grandchildren, children often make the argument that in a dozen or so years the roles will change and the grandparents will need their help. Perhaps it will be so, you will have to help sick parents do shopping, visit a doctor with them or keep an eye on medications.

It is the child's responsibility to take care of this. Blackmailing parents with words that we will not help them in the future, when they will not help us now, is simply heartless.

After such arguments, some grandmothers may change their minds and take care of their grandsons. They should not force it, because no one will be satisfied with such help. No child has the right to force their parents to babysit their children - and this must be remembered.

It is also worth considering whether it is worth crushing family relationships for such a reason. Today, young parents have a lot of opportunities to care for their children. There are nannies, state nurseries, private nurseries, toddler clubs.

Employers show more and more understanding and flexibility, offering young people remote or project work. Thanks to such a multitude of solutions, it is possible to reconcile work and family life and set a daily schedule in such a way that it is possible to provide the child with care without using the grandmother.

About the authorKatarzyna StańczykEditor of Mjakmama.pl. Responsible for the Mother, Baby and Child departments. Professionally associated with online media for 10 years. A lover of reports and interviews. Privately - Antoś's mother.

Category:

Geriatrics