Setting goals is not one of the easiest tasks. It seems almost obvious that there are important and more important things, but we often forget about them, immersing ourselves in small things, without thinking about priorities. So how do you learn to set goals? Meet the psychologist's advice!
Goal setting - how to do it effectively? Without considering our priorities, we make our task very difficult - sometimes we even doom to failure. When thinking about goals, e.g. learning a foreign language, career advancement, losing 7 kilograms or being a better parent, we do not relate them to what is really important to us. Only by setting priorities, we have a chance to make informed decisions, plan the right steps and take specific actions.
Goal setting: how to prioritize?
1. The first step is to look at your values
You can use the ready-made list. Choose, for example, the 4 most important for you and place them in the order of the most important. It is worth repeating this procedure from time to time, checking how the priority list is at a given moment.
Often, as a result of the upbringing process, there is a belief that others know better. The consequence of this may be waiting for external guidance on what is important and what is not, what needs to be met and which to ignore. If you are unsure that you are discovering your priorities when trying to listen to yourself, take a moment to do a little exercise. Every day, add the answers to two questions to your daily plan: "What do I want today?", "What do I need today?".
It is important that the answers are authentic, without your censorship. Repeat this simple procedure for a month. In this way, not only will you strengthen the habit of listening to yourself and making contact with yourself, but also after analyzing all the answers, you will be closer to establishing your priorities. Take a look at the answers that are repeated most often. Check what emotions are associated with them. Also, give some attention to those that have stopped appearing over time. Those responses that disappeared were probably someone else's priorities, e.g. a parent, teacher or media coverage.
If you want to stick to your values, ask yourself: "What will happen if I neglect a specific priority?" What will happenif you give up spending the afternoon with your child on the playground? What happens if I give up my extra time at work? Looking at the possible consequences of decisions will help you stick to your priorities. It is important to remember what is most important to you at the moment, not what others think should be important.
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2. Compare your agenda with your priority list
Some of the daily activities are a matter of habits and thoughtless choices. What makes it easier to stick to your course is to juxtapose your daily tasks with values. Seeing that the activities actually undertaken distract you from what you need or want, you have the opportunity to make a decision about changes.
3. Check what you can influence
When setting a goal in line with the priorities, it is worth remembering that we do not have an influence on everything. This is obvious, but it is often omitted during planning. Take a look at your schedule, divide individual tasks into those that you have full control over, those that depend to some extent on you, and those that you have no influence on. This simple procedure will help to alleviate possible guilt if the path to the goal is not always successful.
At the same time, it will show in which areas you can expand your influence over time, even if you do not have it today. If you decide to take additional professional responsibilities despite the "family" priority, because otherwise you may lose your job, do not be tormented by remorse that you give up going out with your loved ones.
Remorse in this matter is just an additional burden, treat it as a reminder message about your priorities. Let them be a signal about the need for change, e.g. the need to calmly look for another job. Today you feel that you have no choice, so you do it, but in the future you want to have more influence and give yourself the opportunity to make decisions, so you start looking for a job that will at least make it possible to some extent. It is important to remember that this is a process and takes time on the way to achieving your priorities and related goals.
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4. When you say "yes" to something, you also say "no" to something else
If you agree totaking over the duty of a friend, you will not go for a walk. It is worth trying conscious choices by estimating what is more important at a given stage of life: extra money for overtime (e.g. you collect for holidays or a loan installment) or training (e.g. due to hypertension, the doctor recommended regular exercise). It is worth taking a look at what is the priority at the moment.
5. Make goals real
How do you plan to lose weight without changing your lifestyle? If you have a busy schedule and you cannot include exercise in your daily plan, you reduce the chance of improving your form. When setting a goal, it is worth making sure that it is achievable. Otherwise, we doom ourselves to disappointment.
6. Something must fall off the list
If you consider he alth to be a priority now, you will make your task easier by moving the less important things to a lower level in the priority list. Maybe going for a walk or zumba classes will prove more important than additional vacuuming. Sometimes deleting a few items from the list that only seem to be duties will help you reach your destination effectively.
7. Important matters can be combined
Try to combine your priorities in a block. You may find that you can integrate sports and he alth into the time you spend with your children. Or, correctly relate to relatives in developing passion, e.g. going to an exhibition with a partner or a fishing trip.
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8. Check your attitude
Not every "must" can be easily changed into "I want", but still it is worth looking at what is behind the tasks to which some obligation is attached. A look at whether what seems to be a priority at first glance really is. An example is another year in a row you are trying to learn a foreign language because you have managed to establish that development, knowledge, education are one of your priorities.
Unfortunately, for some reasons, despite all efforts made, the goal is not achieved. In that case, it's worth taking a look at. Listen to the voice that says, "You need to be fluent in English." Whose words are these for you, or for example your parent's? And a voice that says, "You can't be happy if you don't lose 10 kilos." This is the voice of a critical friend from primary school, yours or your cardiologist? If yours or your doctor's, it is worth considering the idea of diet and exercise. However, if it is someone else's priority, it may be appropriate to delete the idea of losing weight from the list of values.
9. Revolution or small steps?
For some, the most effective solution is to make drastic changes as soon as they set their priorities. You often hear about people who quit smoking overnight or started a hugely successful business within a few weeks.
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However, for most people, sudden and drastic changes increase anxiety and a sense of loss, which does not make it easier to achieve goals. It is important that changes that will allow you to live in accordance with your values are introduced gently. Remember to give yourself time and understanding in times of weakness.
10. Think about the final
By checking or trying to match your priorities and goals, try to imagine what it will be like to reach the finish line. What emotions and thoughts will accompany it? What will your day be like? How has this goal affected you? How did you manage to make this change? An attempt to answer these questions and visualize the achieved goal and all related aspects will allow you to broaden your perspective and strengthen your motivation to follow the chosen path.
When setting goals and planning activities related to them, make sure you verify the course you are on. Checking the current values or priorities and goals that we set on the basis of them should become a habit. Every time you check in the mirror what you look like today, try to ask yourself what is important to you today.