I am 33 years old and have been in a stable relationship for 18 years. When I point out to my partner or say outright that he is lying and present him with specific arguments, he starts yelling at me, which makes me aggressive. After such a stormy quarrel, we do not talk to each other for even 2 weeks, and when we agree, we do not discuss this problem. This behavior is more and more tiring for me, mainly mentally.
It is actually very frustrating when there is no communication and you are not able to calmly discuss what is happening in the relationship. Aggression is a growing and winding phenomenon. That is, one such reaction results in another, which is usually stronger than the previous one. And so on and on until tiredness, exhaustion, use of all strength and arguments. However, the good news is that even such aggression and anger can be fought against. The necessary condition is that "I want to do something about it". Even if you are angry or even mad, it is up to us to react verbally or through behavior. You can see for yourself that quarrels and screams do not lead to anything and do not solve anything, so it is worth trying something else. Try to tell your partner what you mean, and when he starts screaming you… refrain from raising your voice. Do not go into riots, just keep (even apparent) calm. Withstand his screams or say: Yes, I won't talk like this, if you scream - I'm leaving. Or let him scream and don't continue. You said what you wanted, but it didn't lead to each other screaming. You can also - if you have something important to say to him, write messages to him - by e-mail, or maybe just on a piece of paper. Share what you want and suggest that he also respond in writing. It sounds strange, but it's a great method of dealing with anger and aggression, often used by couples trying to deal with arguments. It is definitely a silent method. And it often allows you to clear up doubts without offending the other person.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in stress and its issuesimpact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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