My 10-year-old daughter often says "I'm stupid", "nobody likes me", "everyone will laugh at me". She is gifted and learns well. He has been a flat dog since he was little, he has moods and fossils that cannot be found in reality (without an objectively existing reason). We saw the reasons for this in the terrible colic in infancy. She is ambitious, but a bit lazy at the same time. He has tons of problems and a constantly updated list of grievances and grievances. She has a very good heart, is sensitive and empathetic. She is a bit fat and does not accept her appearance; has a large aptitude, and tries to fight it herself. She is open - a lot and willingly talks about her class, problems and herself. I feel she is unhappy. I really try to hug Mary a lot, show warmth and cordiality, comfort her. I would love to help her. To overdo something in your behavior that brought the child to this state. Please help. Maybe information on a good book. We live in a small village. I have an 8-year-old daughter - happy and cheerful and a 4-month-old baby - also looking happy with life :).
Hello! It must be some "curse" of the firstborn! Of course I am kidding a little but… there is some truth to it. I know what I am saying, because in my home the "children's arrangement" is very, very similar. And "joys" with adolescent girls alike. Also Ania - mother's head up! Maybe your daughter has such a character that she likes to grumble, cry, and complain. You have to be there, listen, but not confirm it. How can you do it, and do it quite unconsciously? Well, it is by worrying about it too much, giving it too much weight, providing her with a constant amount of support and interest in the moments of "groaning". Hear? Yes. Shake your head comprehendingly? Yes. And… involve her in another activity. Preferably one who does well and feels good about it. Or teach her something new, interest her in something. It doesn't have to be anything cosmic. It can be, for example, changing a toddler or cutting a carrot. It is true that the "dethroned" princess needs a whole lot of attention. But let him try to get it in another way. Unfortunately, these first princesses are also worse, because their parents learn everything from them. But it is often good for them. You should also consider how you communicate. Children, and even more so teenagers, are prone to exaggeration. For them it is already someoneALL, sometime is ALWAYS or NEVER and so on. Don't you or your husband use this language? Pay attention to it (eg you always whine when something goes wrong). Try to show the whole of it, only a part of what it is talking about. I recommend you as much as possible the book by Martin Seligman, and certainly the one titled "You Can Learn Optimism". It will also be the starting point for further reading. Well, it's never easy for a mother, but the mother of all three is almost everyday heroism! Remember that the differences do not have to be threatening at all. Or are you trying too hard to make it perfect? Children are often dissatisfied and we parents cannot ALWAYS take everything on ourselves and feel responsible for everything. Sometimes you have to say "belt", stay calm and smile anyway.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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