I'm 30 years old, recently discovered that my husband is cheating on me. I told him to move out. I love him and I miss him, but I can't forgive him. He says he wanted to detach himself from reality and that he was not happy with me. I was always jealous and possessive of him because I was afraid of being betrayed. He reproaches me that it was my complexes, low self-esteem, unhappy childhood that were the cause of jealousy, not a real threat, and that it was because of jealousy that he was not happy with me. Now she wants to be with me, says I'm a wonderful woman, she loves me. I wonder if I can forgive him and trust him?
Hello! Of course you can. You can forgive, you can live with it, you can be together. Sometimes it happens that after such a crisis, marriages are happier and give more satisfaction than before. It's a matter of making a decision and working hard on yourself and your relationship every day.
You both need to understand that you made mistakes. Only different. Each of you has to fix them and learn new ways of thinking and acting. There is not one "guilty" here. I think that in order to improve your life "after the crisis" you should go to a good family therapist so that you can discuss everything that needs to be done in an objective atmosphere. Each of you has to deal with your problems that have led you here. Betrayal is harsh and dishonest. That's true. But living with eternal jealousy, who only smells a conspiracy, is also not pleasant.
Jealousy and possessiveness towards the other person shows that what really matters is only me and my "possession", not a mutual, satisfying mutual relation. However, I think that if you try hard, you will be able to deal with it. For a good relationship - it's worth it.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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