Hello. I have a problem with my 17-year-old son, I don't know anymore how to explain to him so that he can start learning. He is gifted and this is not my opinion, but people who had contact with him in primary and middle schools. He spends all his days at the computer, and lessons - nothing was set … I have systematic contact with the tutor and I know that the class he went to is not the most ambitious, but this, of course, is not an excuse. How can I speak and what can I do so that he finally understands what is important in life? I can't handle it by myself anymore and I am asking for some tips.
This is going to sound scary, but at this age there is little that parents can do by talking and persuading. If a son believes that as much energy, time and enthusiasm as he puts into learning is enough to achieve satisfactory results, no parental speech can convince him to change. At such moments, the most important thing is motivation. However, it happens extremely rarely in seventeen-year-olds. Especially when he feels a lack of support in his peer environment. If there is no "fashion" in the class for learning, achievement, commitment, then there is little chance that the son will break. Perhaps he has his own plan that for some time he will function at the necessary minimum level, and when it is time for, for example, Matura exam, he will catch up sharply … Sometimes it works out and such plans are realized, but it is rather difficult. Of course, you can go with your son to a psychologist working with adolescents (but only one whom the son accepts), who may find his own methods of reaching the young head and emotions. Perhaps there is something not very good going on that needs to be worked on, or maybe the son simply doesn't have the ability to learn, which further puts him off. This can be checked and remedied. Your task now is to learn as much as possible about your son, about his thoughts, experiences, interests, plans for the future, and not just "speak" to him. Maybe what is most important to you, it is not for him? And maybe it is also, but the way to get to this "most important" is different? Check it out, lady. Being a parent of a teenager is a great challenge these days - I understand it perfectly.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
TatianaOstaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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