I feel cheated by my husband. Just after giving birth to my second child, I learned from him that he has high debts in banks. He explained that he wanted to earn some extra money for me - this is no excuse, because people earn some extra money all their lives. Currently, my husband does not want to talk to me about it, he is hiding something all the time. He keeps repeating that he meant well, but where's the logic! How can you do such a dirty trick to your family and, above all, to your children? What am I doing? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I don't know how to get out of this situation. What should I think to lift my spirits and not to get depressed, because I have someone to live for - I have two wonderful children.
What you write shows that your husband made a mistake. However, it is worth assuming that he had good intentions and wanted to be good beyond his abilities. Your resentment towards him is understandable, but unfortunately the only chance to rectify the situation will be to stop the accusations on your part. I suppose that nowadays the husband is not so much hiding something as he is feeling guilty and withdrawing himself. Perhaps he is feeling helpless. It seems that you too feel helpless. The vicious cycle of accusation and justification in it, in you and also between you, takes a lot of energy and makes it very difficult to deal with the problem in a matter-of-fact, concrete and creative way. You may feel hurt, but it is worth believing that the harm can be repaired.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Józef SawickiA specialist in individual therapies with many years of psychotherapeutic experience. In clinical work, she deals with psychotic patients. He is interested in the philosophy of the East. More at www.firma-jaz.pl.
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