Almost a year and a half ago I broke up with my husband, a few months after the birth of our son. I didn't expect it, it was hard for me to believe it. I believed it, but it's still hard. He passed away after 10 years of living together (with a younger, barely met woman) at a very difficult moment for us, not taking into account the condition of me and my child, although so far I could say that he was the closest person to me in the world (and for him too) although I find it hard to believe now). The child was planned and awaited, and we seemed to be quite mature. I had no reason to feel unloved, so were the words. We talk to each other, I maintain quite proper contact with him, mainly because of his son, he visits the little one quite often. I have a feeling that there is still "something in the air", that this is not the end of this story. It seems to me that he is still thrashing and I need to end this phase of my life. I tried to talk, to understand what happened, but he can't explain it to me. I needed this to see in him this man whom I loved and with whom I broke up keeping this stage of my life happy. I feel deceived because I see an immature man who is different from what he seemed to be with me. I have a feeling that it has been taking too long, that I have to finish this stage for myself. How to do it? How to proceed to treat him only as the father of our son? How to arrange joint relationships to make it as painless as possible, how not to involve unpleasant memories and suspicions? How to stop losing your life?
Hello! You experienced a very strong disappointment and was let down by the person closest to you. It is a very strong and difficult experience. You are a strong woman and I can see that you are doing well. Unfortunately, it sometimes happens that some people seem to have less endurance to the hardships of everyday life. The situation of the child's arrival in the world was outgrown by the ex-husband, despite the fact that it was planned and expected. Pity. It's a pity for you, for the baby and for him too. He did not give himself a chance to develop, to grow up, to have a beautiful but difficult experience of being a father raising his son. This is a great challenge - and he failed. I think it will be difficult for him to accept it within himself. Perhaps because of his dilemmas and disagreement with himself. He's probably bitten by something and he might want to fix something, but you must be doing ityou don't want … You have the right. You don't lose your life, you just live it. That's what it is now. Full of shaky emotions, full of sadness and toil. This is your present life. This is his stage. This stage will pass and another will begin. You seem to be a sensible and strong woman and therefore you will be going through these stages, just don't rush yourself. It takes time sometimes. Longer than we would like. however, if you get tired of it - get help from a specialist. It will help you deal with your emotions and set new goals in your life. Take care.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Tatiana Ostaszewska-MosakHe is a clinical he alth psychologist.
Graduated from the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Warsaw.
She has always been particularly interested in the issue of stress and its impact on human functioning.
She uses her knowledge and experience at psycholog.com.pl and at the Fertimedica Fertility Center.
She completed a course in integrative medicine with the world-famous professor Emma Gonikman.
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