- What are the reasons for the betrayal?
- From jealousy to betrayal
- How to prevent betrayal?
- How to recover from a betrayal?
- Is treason forgivable?
- Relationship after betrayal
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Betrayal is the reason why many couples break up. Sometimes, however, betrayal becomes a turning point that allows partners to understand how much they mean to each other. Read the causes and consequences of cheating and find out when it is worth saving a relationship.
Betrayalmeans something different for every person. For some, contact with a person they meet on the Internet and never seen in the real world is comparable to spending a night with someone. Others consider watching pornographic films as cheating.
Contents:
- What are the reasons for the betrayal?
- How to prevent betrayal?
- How to recover from a betrayal?
- Is treason forgivable?
- Relationship after betrayal
It can be treacherous to meet someone you like, flirt or kiss. Generally, men are only treason when it comes to sexual contact. Therefore, when a partner becomes fascinated by someone, but without physical intercourse, they do not take it seriously. Many women are more emotionally interested in "the other" than by physical betrayal. It is easier for them to come to terms with the fact that their partner had a "side jump" than that they have fallen in love.
According to psychologists, we talk about betrayal when the rules set by both of them or the expectations of a loved one are not met. The man you love fails you, destroys your sense of security, hurts your feelings.
Therefore, regardless of the type of betrayal, it always hurts the same. Psychologists emphasize that just as there is no single definition of betrayal, there is no universal recipe for life after betrayal. Neither a friend, sister, mother, nor even a psychologist will tell you what to do: file for divorce or try to mend your relationship. You have to answer this question for yourself, assessing the situation and the consequences of both solutions. Neither one solution nor the other is easy. It requires wisdom, patience, and time.
What are the reasons for the betrayal?
Betrayal doesn't come out of nowhere. It can have many causes and is not always the result of weakness of character or ill will. Most often, it occurs in response to something bad going on in a relationship - at least one side is missing something: warmth, sexual satisfaction, something important to her.
We unconsciously "push" our partners to cheat, sacrificing them forlittle time, disregarding needs, treating them as property. We expect too much from a man, we are too hard, too possessive. Your partner who has cheated on you has probably been telling you for a long time that he doesn't feel well in the relationship. But you were deaf. The betrayal is supposed to shake you so badly that you should reflect on what is going on in your marriage.
Psychologists compare marriage to a garden. It is not enough to sow once and harvest crops throughout your life, but you have to weed, fertilize and water all the time. The relationship has to be worked on. Pay attention to what is important to your loved one. But also don't be afraid to set limits and fight for self-respect.
We usually lack the will and time to do it. It seems to us that if we have fallen in love with each other, we will always understand each other and guess our desires. But the blindness wears off and we suddenly notice that more and more are separating us. When communication fails, the deficit of needs and expectations increases. Misunderstandings begin to creep into the relationship. Against this background, there are conflicts accompanied by strong emotions - anger, sadness, a sense of failure, rejection.
According to statistics, 25-30 percent men and 16 percent. of women admit that they cheated on their partner at least once.
Instead of strengthening the relationship, the couple starts to distance themselves from each other or fight each other. Then it often comes to betrayal. Because when there is no warmth, harmony, understanding - you look for it outside the relationship. Sometimes one of the parties feels much weaker in the relationship and decides to cheat to prove their worth.
Betrayal may be the result of several factors: a crisis in your marriage, problems at work. But betrayals also happen in successful relationships, because we are looking for new impressions and differences. Some people (including ladies) are regularly looking for "love adventures".
It is not always the case that a man cheats because his partner has become unattractive for him or because he has simply stopped loving her. However, when there is betrayal, it is usually a signal that there is no element in the relationship.
- Disrespect.Sometimes a man does not feel noticed. The woman ignores him, criticizes him and makes fun of him.
- Sexual mismatch.Sometimes partners have different sex expectations. For example, she doesn't need to make love as much as he does. If they don't talk about it, they don't compromise, or if he wants to keep the relationship despite having not very successful sex, he may find a woman to meet his needs.
- Variety syndrome.Sometimes a person who cheats is missing something. For exampleself-esteem. Therefore, he must constantly seek its confirmation from others, watch himself in their eyes.
From jealousy to betrayal
It is worth looking at your partner consciously and without blinders. However, if you keep it under constant control, you can create an irresistible urge to run away. The same reaction will be evoked by excuses about who he looked at and how long he danced with his friend … Because instead of listening to your regrets for sins not committed, he will prefer to finally commit them.
How to prevent betrayal?
You cannot take out an infidelity policy. However, there is much that can be done to avoid infidelity. Don't say it doesn't concern you. People are only people. Listen to the advice of a psychologist and you will reduce the risk of cheating in your relationship.
1. Take care of love
Remember that it is not given once and for all. This means that you and your partner must constantly care for the relationship so that it is varied and attractive to both parties. It consists, among other things, in surprising each other, making each other pleasant surprises, and implementing crazy ideas together.
If you've been together for a long time, remember often how involved you were at the beginning when you first met. Let these memories inspire you. A relationship cannot be just a routine of repeating the same activities. If you jump into the beaten track, it will quickly turn out that not only your partner, but you yourself, will start looking for something (or someone) more attractive, newer, simply more interesting.
2. Keep your secrets
If "the only one" knows you inside out, spent all his free time with you, he knew everything about what and when you do - what will be left in you to explore, get to know? He will quickly get bored and will start looking for someone new. So keep your own boundaries. Be an undiscovered personality for your partner.
3. Don't give too much
When you dedicate yourself completely to your partner, he will receive signals from you that everything is for him. So he may begin to think that other women are for him too. If you are so understanding and want him to be always happy… you will definitely agree to see others. Because it makes him happy.
4. Take care of yourself
But mostly for myself. If you concentrate only on pleasing him, he will start to treat you as his own. He will be able to take you somewhere with him or leave you at home. He will want to show you orHe won't notice you at all. On the other hand, when you take care of yourself for your own satisfaction, in order to feel an attractive woman, your partner will look at you with admiration and … it will not occur to him to look for another beautiful woman.
5. Resolve conflicts
Immediately. A conflict that lasts for months or years is often a reason to seek solace outside of the relationship. To avoid this, it is better to find a mediator (e.g. a friend or psychologist) than to make room for another woman who will surely side with your man. Anyway, tired of quarrels, you may want someone "who will understand you" to appear. Remember, however, that conflicts often arise from problems that we have with ourselves. And the change of partner does not improve anything, because we enter the next relationship with the baggage of unsolved cases.
How to recover from a betrayal?
You have to go through the betrayal of your partner just like you do through mourning. So don't be ashamed of your suffering when your soul has been hurt so badly. Shout out loud rebellion, anger, anger at the situation.
You may feel humiliated that he cheated on you with a close friend of yours that everyone knew about it. Betrayal lowers your self-esteem, and you wonder, "Maybe I really didn't care enough about myself?" When you are no longer tormented by strong emotions, wanting revenge or getting your partner back at all costs, you will look at the situation soberly, get to know your feelings and find out how he really feels about you. You have to answer the question of whether this relationship is worth a second chance. If you know what you want, it will be easier for you to fight for it.
Is treason forgivable?
Forgiveness for betrayal is an individual matter and depends on many factors - individual sensitivity to betrayal (for some it is painful, but forgiving for others, for others it means the end), circumstances, relationships between partners, type of betrayal. It is easier to forgive a one-time, meaningless incident, more difficult - a relationship "on the side" in which, apart from physical betrayal, there was also emotional betrayal, because someone fell in love with the other person.
For many people, betrayal disqualifies a partner forever. It destroys the common future and gives no chance. This position is usually taken by mentally weak people who do not want to save their marriage because the problem is beyond them, or those who have learned at home that cheating cannot be forgiven. In such a situation, the relationship would probably break up anyway, because there was no proper communication in it (the betrayed person could not listen).
However, in a stable relationship, cheating doesn't have to mean breaking up.Provided that both are equally concerned about saving the relationship. It is also important that the betrayed person notices that the fault is also on his side and tries to deal with it.
It's a difficult time for both sides. Rebuilding trust requires from partners not only good will, but also understanding and patience, because it is a long-term process that can drag on even for years. What life will be like after a betrayal depends to a large extent on the behavior of the person who caused the pain. Even when a marriage was in crisis, cheating hurts a lot.
Therefore, no matter who is at fault, you have to sincerely apologize. Then it is easier to forgive the mistake and believe that it will not happen again. The betrayed person must be sure that it is very important for the partner. If the person who has cheated believes that it is "nothing like that", does not express remorse and wants to rebuild the relationship, nothing can be done.
Paradoxically, however, betrayal often strengthens the relationship, because it makes communication easier. When a dramatic situation occurs, the couple starts talking to each other. They talk about the nights, talk about their needs, what is disturbing, what is important, they talk to each other honestly to the point of pain, and this is the way to strengthen the bond. Many couples who managed to save their relationships admit that while betrayal was the worst time of their lives, it ultimately led to such harmony as they could only dream of.
Relationship after betrayal
You can understand why it happened, you can forgive treason, but you cannot forget it. It's up to us what we do with it. Scratching wounds, cultivating grief, telling your partner for betrayal, suspicion will not allow for a happy life.
At the beginning, we may feel like punishing our partner, e.g. by sleeping in separate rooms. However, if you gave him a second chance, you should strive to repair the relationship, remembering that the foundation of the relationship is trust.
It could go on for weeks, years. During this time, the person who failed proves his honesty. Appreciate how much he is trying to save the relationship. You are as comfortable with each other now as you have never been, so why go back to a traumatic event from the past. Better to close a nasty chapter, believing it won't happen again.