The perfect couple: how to create one, if every third marriage gets divorced in Poland? Why is this happening? What only attracts a man and a woman, and what makes a couple bond for life? Can you say there is a recipe for the perfect couple?

Contents:

  1. The perfect couple: what makes us fall in love?
  2. Perfect couple: how to survive the first crises?
  3. The perfect couple: friendship as a basis for building intimacy

Perfect couple- what to do to create it and do such perfect relationships even exist? When we fall in love, there are mechanisms that nature has developed. In the first stage of acquaintance, the decision to establish a closer relationship depends on signals received subconsciously. We are ruled by the instinct to extend the species: we choose a partner who portends reproductive success. Upon getting to know them more closely, two people have a chance to verify that the first instant assessment was correct.

The perfect couple: what makes us fall in love?

One of the first tests is the smell - it can act as a lure or discourage you from the partner immediately. It is also known that women who had a good relationship with their father often subconsciously look for men with similar physical characteristics, and men are eager to establish relationships with women who resemble their mothers.

As intimacy grows, the chemistry of love starts to work. Physical contact and rapprochement cause increased secretion of dopamine - a hormone that enhances passion and good mood, and oxytocin - the hormone of attachment. A kind of addiction ensues - the urge to be there for this person is so strong that the separation causes a suffering that resembles a withdrawal syndrome.

When we form pairs, we are looking not only for physical similarities. Most of us are associated with a person from our "shelf" - this applies both to physical attractiveness, as well as education, social and material status. These similarities become significant when, after 2-3 years, the passion fades and the couple experience their first crisis. With a person who comes from the same cultural background, has a similar level of education, uses the same concepts, speaks a similar language - it is simply easier to communicate.

Often, however, at the beginning of a relationship, not only similarities are attracted to, but also what is different. Passion binds lovers so strongly that they accept even such passiontraits that should objectively discourage them. A thought appears: how beautifully we complement each other.

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Perfect couple: how to survive the first crises?

But the state of erotic infatuation doesn't last forever. In the 4th-5th year the passion weakens and often then the relationship experiences its first crisis. Couples whose bond is based not only on passion has a better chance of survival. The aforementioned similarities of a social nature take on significance then. Despite the fascination with otherness, which often happens in love in the first phase of infatuation, in the long run, the prognosis is worse for relationships where the differences in age, status, and origin are too great, because when the fog of passion fades, they often become a source of conflict.

Of course, whether two people get along easily then is also influenced by their personality and temperament, as well as problem-solving strategies learned in youth. Nevertheless, with a person who comes from the same cultural circle, he has a similar generation experience, level of education - it is simply easier to communicate. Similar habits, tastes, a similar world view, system of values ​​and concepts, using the same language create a platform for understanding. And it not only increases the chances of satisfaction from being together, but also makes it easier to find a way out of the crisis.

The perfect couple: friendship as a basis for building intimacy

According to the concept of the American psychologist Robert Sternberg, a happy relationship is created, in addition to passion, intimacy and commitment. Intimacy is a unique model of mutual relations. And it's not just about the couple's love affairs, daily rituals or shared tastes.

An extremely important component of intimacy is mutual respect and understanding, concern for the good of the partner, and providing emotional support. The deepening intimacy creates a need for commitment, which is usually expressed by formalizing the relationship.

However, as Sternberg argues, a pledge will not prevent a couple from breaking up unless it is based on genuine intimacy. She is the binder of successful, long-term relationships. Its components - respect and understanding, providing support, care for the good of the partner - are also characteristic of friendship. Togłębokie attachment, which grows beyond the gusts of passion, allows you to derive satisfaction from living together.

Although the relationship arises and lasts for some time thanks to passion, it is as if effortless- in the next stages it is necessary to cement it with true friendship.

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Category:

Psychology