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Most often, the first association with twins is: similar, identically dressed babies. Are all twins the same? Of course not. Let's start with the fact that not all twins are alike.
I have 2-year-olds in my familytwinswhom I can never tell the difference, but I also know two girls from my son's class who are like heaven and earth. If I did not know that they aretwins , I would not even think that they are related in any way! This is because the mechanism of multiple pregnancy is different. Thanks to scientific research, we know it exactly today and we know thattwinsare born when two sperm fertilize two eggs at the same time or when a fertilized cell divides into two identical embryos. That is why we are talking about double or monozygotic twins. The former are physically and mentally different, but they also have many common features (they are my son's friends). The second, or identical twins, are indeed "copies" of each other (my little cousins). Same sex, very similar appearance - same color of hair, eyes, nose shape, identical fingerprints, blood type, and even genetic information.
Twins are two separate creatures
However, regardless of whether we are dealing with single or fraternal twins, it must be remembered that this is not one "double" child, but two completely separate, separate creatures. This is confirmed by the latest research by Spanish scientists who have proven that even identical twins with the same DNA differ from each other, e.g. in susceptibility to diseases, but also in their interests and culinary tastes. In addition, these differences increase with age. Individual treatment of twins is, contrary to appearances, very important. Twins are immediately born labeled "one of two". From the beginning of their existence, they are treated as part of a two-part compilation. There is no one without the other. This is how twins are seen not only by people on the street, but also by their own families. No wonder: the simultaneous appearance of two children is such a challenge that parents do not always have the time and energy to think about "little things" such as differences. Especially if they are initially unable to distinguish between their children. Meanwhile, as it turns out,this attitude is bad for the emotional and psychological development of twins.Important
- Identical twins are born once in every 300 births.
- The tendency to give birth to twins is inherited from the mother.
- The older the woman, the greater the probability of giving birth to twins.
Developing individuality in twins
Little boys in identical T-shirts or cute girls wearing identical pink dresses is a nice sight. Many parents succumb to the trend of dressing their twins the same. It's definitely convenient and "so cute". However, not everyone is aware that this innocent habit disturbs the children's sense of their own separateness. Little twins are well aware that they are an inseparable pair for their parents and the world. This is how they are treated by others, but this is how they see themselves. They feel one, they have the same interests, they play in the same way with the same objects. In kindergarten, they are treated as one - they are often beaten for a brother or sister, but usually they also accept the praise of their siblings. If we additionally emphasize their similarity with the same clothes or buying, in the name of justice, the same toys and gifts, we may accidentally kill their individuality in them. Years later, it may turn out that separated twins cannot find themselves in a new environment, have no opinion of their own, and succumb to environmental pressure. When they go to other high schools, for example, they will not be able to make new friends, they will not be independent and self-sufficient, because they are dependent on each other.
What to do?
- Try to treat your children as separate entities. Don't buy the same clothes, toys, mugs, school bags, etc. This is obviously easier with twins of the same sex. Other colors of the sweaters will not only highlight the individuality of each of the toddlers, but also make it easier for others to distinguish them.
- When you talk to the little ones, talk to each of the children separately, and ask them to speak for themselves: “What do you want for breakfast, Peter? And you, Tomek? " instead of "What do you want to eat?"
- Try to develop their individual interests ( although it can be difficult): let one play basketball and the other karate; Enroll one for drawing lessons, the other - for music lessons.
- Let each of the children have their own shelf in the room, a cupboard for toys, their own socks, T-shirts, etc. They should also have the same duties (e.g. cleaning after play) and privileges (e.g. being able to choose clothes).
The twins feel great in their own company
The close-knit and compatible siblings arethe dream of all parents. This usually happens with twins. The twins feel great with each other, understand each other well, can play with each other and do not need the company of other children. No wonder - they are constantly being together, have the same toys, do everything together. Thus, a unique bond develops between them. This closeness, however, causes the children to isolate themselves from the world, creating their own reality that only the twin has access to. Often, twins start talking late, are unable to communicate with their parents or colleagues, but they get along perfectly with each other, speaking "in their own" language or with the gestures they have developed. When they are in the company of other children, they play only with themselves, without noticing the others. Why bother and make an effort to establish new contact, if my twin brother understands me without words? What to do?
- Help connect with other children. Invite friends from the kindergarten and the yard so that the little ones learn to play not only with themselves, but also with other children.
- If possible, send the children to a different group in the kindergarten, to a different class in the school. If it fails, ask the teacher not to put siblings on the same desk, not to place them in pairs or in a group during play.
Although the little ones love each other very much, they are still rivals for each other. This is more evident with twins than with siblings of different ages: because they are the same, they want to be treated equally. So they fight for everything: for their parents' love ("you hug him more often …"), for justice ("he got a bigger cake than me"), for material things ("it's my toy, not his"). Another danger is the domination of one of the twins. It happens that one of the children, usually the "older" one, is more imperious and go-getting, and therefore plays a leading role in this seemingly harmonious duo. In this case, it is extremely important to treat each of the children separately, so that in the future the "weaker" child has a correct attitude towards himself and does not lose his self-esteem.
- Treat children fairly, but explain to them that fair does not mean equal.
- Try to spend time with only one child from time to time, e.g. have dad take one child for a trip to the park on Saturday, and let the other one go to the cinema or shopping with mum on Sunday.
- Don't compare your kids by saying, for example, "Look, he can read already, and you can't yet." This favors unhe althy competition.
"M jak mama" monthly