If you want to be happy, have friends, have a good relationship and family, first of all you must fall in love with yourself! You probably have the whole house on your head. You think about your loved ones and constantly push your own needs aside. Who will take care of you? Exactly. You must learn he althy selfishness.

There is probably no person in the world who would not have any objections to his address. Too fat, too skinny, not very intelligent, not very witty, lazy, old, ugly, average - each of us has our own list of complaints and grievances. And there is only one way to successfully improve the status of life - you have to love yourself. Accept your flaws or, better yet, make them good. It's difficult, but it's really possible. And most of all necessary!

Positive thinking is the key to success

American psychotherapist Louise Hay confessed that when patients come to her with their problems, they are surprised that she does not deal with solving them at all - and focuses only on their… self-love. "Most people's deepest beliefs are," I'm not good enough, "" I'm good for nothing, "or" I'm not doing enough. " If this is how we feel about ourselves, how could we possibly create a life based on love, joy, well-being and he alth? - the psychotherapist wonders.

If you don't love yourself, you can't offer love to others because… you don't have it inside you. And since you don't have it inside you, you don't know what the feeling looks like, you only imagine it. When you judge yourself negatively, you become distrustful, secretive, shy, overly self-centered, take everything personally, and draw wrong conclusions from what others are telling you. Because how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself affects the way you treat yourself and other people.

If you perceive yourself positively, you can deal with problems, mobilize yourself to act, support yourself in difficult times and inspire hope in yourself. If your inner image is negative, there is harm, regret, guilt or aversion towards yourself, life and the world. Unfortunately, most people have a "but" to themselves. Due to low self-esteem, women are more likely to fall into depression, they saytheir failures, they blame themselves for everything. On the other hand, low self-esteem in men mostly affects the environment, because men have a tendency to look for guilty everywhere - except themselves. This translates into something completely opposite to complexes - overconfidence, pride, pride, even megalomania.

You must do it

Honest internal conversation first

Sometimes you feel the need to finally make your dreams come true for a long time, but you still put it off until tomorrow. You set the following conditions: "I will finish my studies first", "I will find a better paid job", "I will get married", "I will lose weight", "I will get back in shape after giving birth", "I will finish the renovation". You just multiply the obstacles on the way to taking care of yourself and your dreams. Self-love is difficult precisely because one has to love an imperfect being, full of fears and faults. After all, each of us experiences our own weaknesses! Moreover, everyone hurts themselves to some extent and sometimes they do not understand what is happening to them and what is happening to them. He resents himself and is sorry for the wrong he has done to himself or that he has allowed others to hurt him. But until he gets along with himself, he won't be able to open up to others: give them love or take it in return.

Discover the truth: who are you and who do you want to be?

Self-love is self-respect and the desire for good. It is self-acceptance, faith in your own strength and the ability to enjoy your life - that is, the basic needs of every human being. To love yourself maturely is therefore not the same as accepting yourself as you are. Nor getting a better opinion of myself. To love yourself, you need to constantly be positive about yourself. Also when you cannot accept some of your characteristics and behaviors. If you know that you don't like something about yourself, try to change it. How? You have to be honest with yourself. Be able to summon the courage and find not only advantages, but also disadvantages. When you get to know your strengths, you will feel greater self-confidence, strength and joy, which in turn will strengthen you in difficult times, help you survive them and motivate you to act. You can also make an asset out of weakness. Failure can motivate you to change your current life. It is worth doing such an examination of conscience, because… the truth sets us free! Provided you accept it with serenity. Because truth without love can kill. Someone who learns the truth about himself but does not accept it can easily fall into a state of bitterness, discouragement, and even despair. And if he is so focused on himself that he does not want to notice his flaws, he indulges himself and lives in a wrong sensecomplacency.

Loving yourself matured is therefore something more difficult than being an egoist or an enemy of yourself. The egoist makes no demands on himself because he is convinced that he is perfect anyway. On the other hand, those who hate themselves think that they are too weak to achieve anything in life. Therefore, a person who wants to truly love himself should constantly work on himself. How? Praise yourself. Have confidence in your own abilities. Give yourself pleasure - without feeling guilty. Forgive mistakes and failures. Feed on good thoughts and good food. To allow others to yourself, instead of accepting loneliness. Look sympathetically at your reflection in the mirror. To love and take care of your body. Surround yourself with beauty. Just be good to yourself.

Why is it so hard to like and respect yourself

Most people whom the psychologist suggests to try to love themselves are initially indignant: “How can I love myself? It is impossible! You can only love others, never yourself. It's selfishness. " Women especially think of themselves last, or not at all. There are many reasons for this behavior:

  • Upbringing.You've been taught since childhood that a good person doesn't think only about himself, but cares about others. But it also happens that everyone is important to you, and no one ever worries about you. A wise egoist knows his needs and knows how to satisfy them. If you want to live better, don't try to help the whole world by force. Believe me - when you put your needs last, people stop taking care of you.
  • No pattern . We learn attitudes towards ourselves from others, especially from parents and people from our immediate environment. Children look at adults - what and how they say about themselves. In this way, they build a pattern that affects their lives and, later, the lives of their children. If the mother feels happy, she will teach her daughter a he althy selfishness. But if she doesn't love herself, she won't be able to convey this art to her.
  • Lack of acceptance.When a child starts communicating with the world, he learns quite quickly - though often only on an unconscious level - whether or not he is accepted by his parents, or if they like it. whether it meets their expectations. If it is constantly underestimated and criticized, it quickly becomes convinced that it can do little, is worth little, and does not deserve love. In such thinking, they are also confirmed by the lack of acceptance from the environment: peers, teachers, friends and relatives.
  • Comparing yourself with others.If, instead of thinking for yourself, you rely on the judgments of others, thenyou become addicted to them and give your own value to fate, to chance. Rather, you should learn from others. And build a good self-esteem based on the love of your loved ones.
  • Our culture.You are under pressure from the environment. You become addicted to other people's judgments and the results you think you should achieve. You want to be individual, original. You collect successes to be able to enrich your CV. What other people think of you becomes more important than what you think yourself. Therefore, all failures and failures are a personal drama for you and undermine your self-esteem.
  • Media influence.Advertisements and color magazines bombard you every day with images of young, beautiful, happy women who seem to have no worries or problems. For this reason, it is not easy for you to accept another wrinkle, consider it as a natural minor trouble at home or at work. You want to be a walking ideal too!
  • Pregnant past.You often can't love yourself because you don't think you deserve love and happiness. You cultivate a sense of guilt and regret. You cannot forgive yourself or others.
  • Life failures.If you do not achieve an important goal for you, when you behave incompetently, break the rules of your own moral code, you start to think badly about yourself. If you are criticized, you feel that you are not liked, accepted or loved, you automatically start looking for various deficits and disabilities in yourself.

It is important to know your strengths and weaknesses

There is one rule: it's not someone who gives you love, but yourself! To make this task easier, act in stages. First, try to free yourself from your fear of life and people. React unpleasant events from the past - allow yourself to cry, despair, talk about what hurts you, do not run away from it. Get over the feeling of being hurt or guilty. Forgive yourself or others. Change your old habits of thought, start controlling what you think and say about yourself. Instead of the words "I should", "I have to" say: "I can", "I want", "I decide". This procedure will allow you to see life from a completely different perspective. Then you will understand that everything you do is entirely up to you. Don't worry about scary scenarios, don't expect the worst. If you have a bad feeling, direct your mind to something nice, something you love. Do the same when you start to think badly about yourself. Come up with an affirmation (for example, "I am strong") and repeat it aloud during difficult times. Know yourself - discover your strengths (everyone has them) and weaknesses, talents and what makes you happy and what makes you sad.

monthly"He alth"

Category:

Psychology