What are the reasons why children do not move out of their homes, even when they should start their own families? It happens that the parents, more or less consciously, keep them close to each other. In other cases, young people are guided by the comfort and sense of security that their family gives them. Find out the real reasons for the reluctance to leave home.

First, we anxiously imagine the day when our treasure will pack things and go out into the world. Later, when the years pass, and the son's or daughter's room is teeming with life as it used to be, it becomes even more difficult for us.

Are my adult children "nesters"?

Magda, mother of a twenty-five-year-old and three years older son, recalls the time of her studies: “Although I had my university in my hometown, I rented a studio with a friend. There were times when there was a shortage of money, so there was only jelly and pasta in the kitchen. But it never occurred to me to go to my parents', eat and bathe. I look at my children with amazement. My daughter studies and works in a boutique in absentia, my son has started a business with a friend and is also doing well financially. But neither of them really got out of the house. The daughter is with us. My son stays with his girlfriend, but every few days he gives me a bag of laundry, and after he leaves the fridge is always empty. "

Why do adult children return to their family homes?

When a teenager spends less time in his family home, sleeps more often with friends, organizes trips for several days, it seems that the moment when he wants to become independent is close. But nothing like that happens. It also happens that an adult son or daughter already has partners, but they usually return to their mom and dad during the night.

The time for change is not coming, even though the "child" is over thirty. But it turns out that he is no exception, because he has friends around him who live similarly. No matter how your relationship with your child is, it's never comfortable. Or conflicts break out, because the child has grown up and doesn't want to explain anything or follow orders. Or when things are going well, we start to worry about what will happen when we are gone? What if he doesn't make a life for himself and stays alone in his old age? Why don't they want to grow up? There are many reasons. Often children still do not build their own lives because… they do not havewith whom.

The younger generation decides to get married and start a family later and later. If only there is someone in the family home who will hug you, listen to what it was like at work, watch a movie together, not only parents, but also a sister or brother, why move out? Staying at home feels easier and protects you from the loneliness that has become commonplace: they have hundreds of virtual friends on facebook instead of a few real friends down the street. The parents' house is the only sure and permanent place where they don't have to show off and show off.

The common cause of this state of affairs is the aspirations of young people, greater than before. They want to be better educated, because it gives better chances for a better or any job. That is why a twenty-something-year-old often ends up in one course and starts the next one. And this costs money and these costs often have to be passed on to the parents.

Real reasons for reluctance to leave home

When looking at your adult children, it is also worth considering whether this is a convenience. Maybe they have reasons to think, "Why should I go on my own when they give everything here?" Often this also applies to people who are already earning money and could easily support themselves, but they think that their money is still pocket money.

If the reason is not convenience, it may turn out that an adult "nestbox" is concerned about whether it is worth starting a family at all. It is becoming easier and easier for us to decide to part ways. If a young person has encountered such a situation because, for example, relatives or friends are divorced, it is a signal for the young person: “If so many divorce, the same thing can happen to me. So starting your own family and living independently can turn out to be a misguided investment. " And when the breakup concerns the parents, it may also have dilemmas: "I will not leave my mother alone, she has devoted so much to me, it will be difficult for her alone", etc.

Mom, Dad, don't make it difficult

It is also harder for children whose parents do not get along with each other. Hostile relations between them make one of them, and sometimes both, look for an ally, confidant, comforter in the child. Sometimes the parents themselves keep them at home. "Without you, my father will completely poison my life", "I won't have anyone to open my mouth to, it's impossible to talk to my mother" - hears the young man and knows that his move out means a civil war. It is not uncommon for parents to unconsciously block timid attempts to become independent, and the topic of savings appears in conversations. "Why fill someone's pockets and pay for rent if you can live with us and save," they say. This is quite a reasonable argument, but it is not conducive to independencekids. Especially since the savings are often apparent.

Few people who do not yet know what it means to manage the household budget manage to maintain discipline and save each month for their own apartment. The prospect of moving out is receding. Often the child who stayed in the family home has a problem with moving out. The siblings have already accustomed everyone to having their own life, and they are relegating their responsibilities to their parents to the "last" one. The problem may also be overprotection and criticism of parents. Repeatedly "you can't make it" or "this girl is not for you" makes it difficult to start an independent life, even after the child has moved out. Because it turns out that the partner is not a laundress and a cleaner like mom …

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology