Sexual mismatch is a problem that is heard more and more often - after all, sex and related problems are no longer taboo. Different temperaments of lovers or too large anatomical differences between them are given as the main causes of sexual mismatch. However, are there any ways to deal with mismatch in bed, or are lovers with this problem doomed to break up?

Sexual mismatchcan cause many misunderstandings in a relationship - sometimes it even happens that the relationship works well on other levels, but in the one related to sex, the partners do not seem to fit together . Unfortunately, there can be many reasons for these inconsistencies, but almost all of them can be worked on.A mismatch in bedat a specific - often initial - stage of a relationship does not mean that it will always be with the partners, and the solution to the problem does not have to be parting.

1. Sexual temperament mismatch

Various libido

According to the report "Sexuality of Poles 2022" prepared under the supervision of prof. Zbigniew Izdebski, 55% of Poles and 49% of Polish women are satisfied with their sex life, and the most satisfied group among both sexes are people aged 30-49 - as many as 70% of them enjoy sex. Nevertheless, it is hard not to notice that, taking into account all Poles, as many as half of them do not enjoy their activities (or the lack of them) in bed. One of the reasons may be the sexual mismatch - often partners indicate differences in sexual temperaments as its cause. It would seem that men more often complain that the wife either does not want sex or does not engage in it, meanwhile, as the report cited above shows, 15% of men have sex with a partner, also when they themselves have sex with a partner. moment they don't feel like it. Moreover, the level of male and female libido is differently distributed - in women it reaches its peak between the ages of 30 and 40, and in men in their twenties. The "equalization" takes place only around the age of 60.

No desire to experiment

Another thing that is talked about in the context of sexual temperament mismatchit is not entirely a person's temperament, but their sexual preferences. The mismatch may result from the fact that, for example, a partner likes to dominate in bed, and her partner does not like it very much, or vice versa - a man would like a woman to take the initiative, at least from time to time. Some are more open to experimentation, others do not want to hear about trying out a position other than the classic one, having oral or anal sex, not to mention tantric sex, spanking or BDSM. It is worth adding that sometimes the problem is not the lack of a fiery temperament of a given person, but the fear of experimenting resulting from being brought up in a traditional family, a deep faith of a given person - if someone thinks that deciding to experiment in bed, it is difficult to be willing to do so. experimented.

Owl and lark

Almost everyone knows about the differences between people in their daily rhythm - some prefer to work and be active at night and these people are called owls, and others get up when it is dawn and do not want to lose a single hour of the morning - here we are talking about larks . These preferences are also reflected in sex - some prefer to make love at night, others in the morning, what's more - our willingness or aversion to sex is influenced by what is happening around. Stress at work, misfortunes in a close family from one of the partners, illness cause worse well-being and a lack of desire for amorous frolics.

Important

Sexual coldness

These problems cannot be confused with sexual frigidity, which is a serious disorder of the sex drive that can affect people of both sexes and all ages. Unlike people with a mismatched erotic temperament, those with sexual coldness are not interested in trying to have intercourse at all, they do not masturbate. There is no one-of-the-kind treatment for sexual coldness - the behavior is personalized. It is necessary to start therapy with a sexologist, and in some cases hormone therapy is introduced.

How to deal with sexual mismatch related to the temperament of partners?

1. Conversation is essential

First of all, you need to start with the conversation, and not avoid the topic - nothing good will come out of silence, except for the deepening of frustration with each subsequent attempt to engage in a sexual act. If the problem is due to a difference in libido, it may turn out that in the end it is similar for both partners, but they have not made the appropriate attempts to find out. And yes, it makes sense to make an appointment with a partner with whom you either failed to reach orgasm orone had to wait a long time for him to introduce some changes to the bedroom. They do not have to be (or even never) whips or straps, but rather new practices consisting in e.g. drawing a different position from the Kamasutra every day, trying sex in the bath or shower, prolonging the foreplay: kissing, stroking or even scratching, rubbing against each other, massaging, wearing a blindfold and gently touching, caressing other parts of the partner's body, including the genitals with his lips (which can help both women who take more time to get excited and men who "crawl" for longer) .

2. Have sex

If, on the other hand, one of the partners wants to have sex at times that are blatantly different than the other, the best solution will be simply a compromise - making an appointment at a specific time that suits both of them. Although on the one hand, such an arrangement may evoke associations with boredom, stagnation, or a pattern, it will work differently - it will allow both of them to enjoy the rapprochement at the right time for each other and introduce an element of exciting expectations, building tension.

3. Psychotherapy

The next solution is psychotherapy - nothing helps as much as confiding in a person who is willing to listen to us and advise us. Getting started can be difficult - it's not easy to talk to your partner about sex, let alone a stranger. However, this "strangeness" can be helpful, because paradoxically it is often easier to confide in a stranger who, in addition, asks the right questions and is an expert in what we come to him with.

Unfortunately, however, in the case of extremely different preferences, the sexual mismatch may turn out to be so great that even a therapist will not help, unless in the decision to break up. In the vast majority of cases, sexual mismatch results from definitely solvable problems, but if someone is, for example, a BDSM lover, and the other person feels very bad in such a sexual relationship, any attempt to convince one or the other party may fail.

Worth knowing

Reluctance to open up to new experiences is especially common among people brought up in religious families - it is worth adding that, contrary to stereotypes, Catholicism (which Poles most often profess) does not prohibit partners from enjoying sex in any way, the vast majority of position, conducting foreplay. It is best to contact a very religious person who will be an authority for him, and at the same time will allow him to say goodbye to the constant sense of sin or fear of experiments - such a person may be a therapist or evenA clergyman or lay person but engaged in Church activities.

Anatomical sexual mismatch of partners

Already in the Kama Sutra we can find a division of types of women and men, the criterion of which is the size of their sexual organs. And so, among men we have: stallions (men with penises of considerable size), bulls (that is, holders of a medium penis) and hares - men with small penises. Females, on the other hand, are gazelles, mares and elephants (in order from the narrowest to the most narrow sheath). The best combination, unexpectedly, was to be the extreme one - a stallion with a gazelle (that is, a large penis and narrow scabbard), and the worst one was a hare with an elephant (a small penis and a "wide" sheath).

Written in the second century C.E., the work recommends to these extremely different lovers how to love each other in order to get the best possible experience. And so, women who have partners with very large members are recommended to position: on the back, with legs raised and a pillow under the back. For men with a small penis, it is recommended to penetrate the partner's vagina when the woman has clenched thighs.

Today, sexologists emphasize that the vagina is very flexible, and what may make it seem too small is the woman's difficulty loosening, not the anatomical properties of the vagina. If the vagina seems too wide (which is also not possible), it is best to choose positions in which the woman holds her thighs clenched.

Contrary to what the author of the Kamasutra claimed, the only problems can be caused by the combination of a very large penis and a very narrow vagina. Especially if the woman is in the top position (she may feel a strong pain in the ovary) or the man is pushing too hard. Sexual mismatch can also occur in the case of men with very small penises, but this is very rare.

Sexual mismatch between partners resulting from the anatomy of their genitals can be eliminated by choosing positions that ensure the best possible experience for both of them, and most of all - no pain during intercourse.

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Sex problems