I can't communicate with my husband - everything I say he perceives as an attack on himself, twists the meaning of my words, although I say exactly what I mean. He doesn't want to listen to me or he starts an argument. When I start talking about sex, he immediately assumes that he did something wrong and I'm not comfortable with him. We are both in our 40s and several years old. The husband does not want to hear about an appointment with a psychologist.
Often misunderstandings arise from the partner interpreting what we say to him in his own way and perceiving our requests as an attack. It is then worth paying attention to whether we really formulate our sentences in such a way that he does not feel offended. Common mistakes in communication are: generalizing - that is, saying "you always", "you never" - a person who hears such a message feels attacked and begins to defend himself. We also rarely talk about our emotions, but it is easier for us to judge the behavior of the other person. This also creates resistance. For example, the message "you don't care about my needs in bed" will be received differently than the message "I feel unfulfilled and sexually unsatisfied because I miss longer caresses". The first message will be perceived as an attack, while the second will not cause such resistance. If repeatedly trying to talk to your husband has no effect, it would be worth considering what can be changed in the way you communicate in order to communicate with your husband. You can also go alone to the psychologist and discuss with him the conflicts between you and your husband and try to solve them.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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