My problem is extremely embarrassing for me and I have never really told anyone about it, I did not confide in it, believing that I was a misfit in this regard … It always seemed to me that no one else in the world has such an absurdity , such a stupid problem. Well, I am afraid of penetration (but only vaginal penetration) … I am so afraid of it that I am not even able to break into trying. I consciously and purposefully write "penetration", because everything else related to sex not only does not cause problems for me, but I love it, I am willing and open. And yes, I love all kinds of caresses, I like oral sex, even anal sex (and I am not afraid of penetration here), but the very thought of vaginal sex has always paralyzed me. I was always afraid of it - the very thought of a penis entering me terrified me. Why? I was always afraid it would hurt a lot. I was terribly afraid of piercing the hymen and the pain that came with it. However, I deluded myself that when I grew up, I would find a partner with whom I would fall in love, and my fear would pass. Unfortunately … Today I am over 30, I have a wonderful partner whom I love, trust and with whom I am happy, but I am still paralyzed by the fear of inserting a penis (even a finger !!!) into my vagina. Just thinking about it, I tighten my thighs … I still think that I will not win with this fear ( although I am aware that defloration is not always associated with pain). I don't know, sometimes I wonder if I didn't have that damn hymen, would I also be so afraid of this (first) vaginal introduction? I don't know, I'm curious myself… So I'm paralyzed by fear of pain. Interestingly, I am not afraid of inserting a penis into the anus at all. It only concerns the vagina. So, my suspicions that it is the hymen might be justified? I do not know where this fear comes from, I do not have any traumatic experiences from the past, I had a normal, wonderful childhood, I have never experienced anything traumatic etc. guilt. I feel like some alien with such an uncreated ailment, a handicap! I hate it with methis handicap of mine. Gynecologists downplay or even ignore my problem, advising me to drink a glass of wine and "get to work" (that is, for my first vaginal penetration). And I, even drunk, "will not give up" because I have perfect control of THIS all the time. Anyway, I realize that a gynecologist is not the right doctor to help me. I'm fine with my physiognomy, I know it's more of a problem in my head. I keep telling myself this fear and any assurances that it doesn't have to hurt, that the penis will enter the vagina without any problem, because the vagina is flexible, stretchy, etc. I can't break. My head hurts there … The usual gynecological examination is also a big problem for me - after all, not only the penis scares me, but even the finger or the speculum that would be inserted into my vagina! And now… I tell myself right away that it will hurt terribly, that it will not fit into me, etc. I know, it's ridiculous, but even as I explain it logically, it remains only a theory, because I can't put it into practice afterwards. I can't break for anything. Could you, Mrs. Magdalena, advise me of something? And could you tell me which specialist I should go to? To a sexologist or psychologist / psychotherapist? Does a problem like mine even exist, or am I the only one with such a bizarre condition? Can anything be done about it, can it be changed in me, is it curable? Can I hope for a normal life, for a normal life? I am asking you for help, it really keeps me awake at night, I am more and more depressed, broken and complex, I feel so different, and besides, it is obvious that I would like to live / have intercourse NORMALLY, I would like to be able to do ordinary tests at a gynecologist (so far I am only examined through the anus, otherwise it is impossible because I tighten too much and panic! I would like to have children one day … I am asking you for advice, for help, because after digesting this problem in myself for so many years, I really only sink, sometimes I doubt my femininity and, really, I feel helpless, inferior and just broken. I don't know how. fight it.
Many women face a problem like you and many of them are treated by a sexologist. You probably suffer from vaginismus. It consists in tightening the body and fear of pain that prevents any penetration.
Gynecologists do not have the appropriate preparation to treat this difficulty. I need your helpsexologist psychologist. Self-blame and negative emotions directed against yourself will not do you any good. You are not an "alien" or a strange, but you suffer from a sexual dysfunction that has occurred in many women.
There can be many reasons for this dysfunction, not necessarily a traumatic childhood experience.
You should go to a sexologist psychologist and start therapy.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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