The fiancée was a virgin until the age of 35, now (after we have had sex for 5 months) she has a complaint that she does not have an intravaginal orgasm, only a clitoral one. He thinks that I am not free to relax. I was so concerned about it that for 2 weeks I had no erection because I thought it was my fault. Now she thinks that I do not fit her because my penis is too hard (I feel pain and chafing) and thinks that a softer one would be better. What should I do? She says it hurts her. The vaginal orgasm is still gone, and I'm trying my best (even more). I love her very much.
The fact that your partner hurts during intercourse is not because your penis is too hard. For a successful intercourse, adequate hardness of the penis is required and in general - the harder the better. Pain can be caused, for example, by insufficient lubrication of the vagina. The less lubrication of the vagina, the greater the risk of chafing and pain. In turn, too little hydration may be caused by the fact that the partner is not able to relax enough, because, for example, she does not fully trust you. In women, the sexual sphere is definitely more complicated than in men and is strongly connected with their emotional life. Pain during intercourse can also be related to genital tract infections or other organic causes. It would be good if the partner would consult a gynecologist on this matter.
Meanwhile, it is worth using moisturizing gels to minimize possible abrasions that cause pain. When it comes to experiencing orgasm with a partner, there is primarily a group of women who only experience clitoral orgasm and are unable to achieve vaginal orgasm. The clitoral orgasm is now considered to be on par with the vaginal orgasm, not worse than it used to be. Additionally, some women can learn to experience vaginal orgasms. This phenomenon is different from men who have their orgasm automatically by nature. Your partner has only recently had sex, and some women only acquire the skills of experiencing vaginal orgasms over time.
The partner plays an important role, but the partner herself and her attitude, possible blockages or other experiences have a much more important role here. Trust in a partner and an emotional bond are very important for most women. A lack of trust cancause blockages and difficulty in achieving an intimate bond between you. The technical matters themselves during intercourse are usually of secondary importance, but the more you know about your expectations and what your partner likes, the better. In your case, it is worth considering visiting a sexologist together.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Agnieszka ChochołSexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/
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