We have been a couple for over 4 years. Practically from the very beginning, my girlfriend's interest in sex was low, although in the first years it was somewhat better - she was more curious and willing to experiment. She practically does not feel any sexual needs on her own, and all our relationships are initiated by me. She never feels a deep need for intercourse or even masturbation - sometimes, without my initiative, we may not make love for a month (it probably would be longer, but usually that's my limit). She is practically not interested in sex. Now, when we love each other, she is not at all willing to experiment. He prefers fixed positions and without having to play beforehand. Our relationship is also very short, which I am very dissatisfied with, because I could usually do a lot longer. Unfortunately, after her first orgasm, my girlfriend complains that she feels the need to urinate, and after using the toilet she completely loses interest. I often feel like ejaculating again, but unfortunately nothing of it. She is also not prone to the foreplay that I am a huge believer in. Because of it all, I feel as if our every intercourse is being treated 'fast' and we should finish it as soon as possible. She reportedly reaches orgasm with every close-up, but she does it so quickly that I'm starting to doubt. Because of all this, our relationship rarely exceeds 10 minutes. At home, I do my best to give the girl as much free time as possible and as few responsibilities as possible. I'm desperate and don't know what to do. There is a 7-year difference between us, but our youth is still ahead of us, and my satisfaction with my sex life is negligible. What could be causing these problems? The girl had a very bad relationship with her mother, but we have been living in peace for several years already. Is there anything we can do to fix this? My girlfriend is very stubborn: she does not agree to the experiments or the proposal to visit a sexologist.

Little interest or desire for sex with your partner may result from many factors. Starting with biological factors, i.e. sexual temperament, which is genetically determined. Some women, just like men, have a higher level of sexual needs, others a smaller or negligible one. Another factorit may be age. In women, sexual needs develop over time. Their highest level is in the thirties and persists until the menopause. Educational conditions play a very important role. The climate of the family home, and especially the emotional bond with parents, have a much greater impact on the level of sexual needs of women as compared to men. For example, excessive educational rigor inhibits the development of the sexual needs of daughters more than boys subjected to identical influences. The partner's sexual biography has a significant impact, i.e. the first sexual experiences, their type, form of contact, possible unpleasant sexual experiences such as rape or sexual harassment. They constitute a sphere so intimate that it is very rare for a woman to share her painful experiences with her partner. Another factor may be self-esteem in your sexual role. It is influenced by the sense of external attractiveness of a woman, manifestations of adoration, and evaluation on the part of the partner. The Lord, as a partner, can increase or decrease sexual needs with his behavior, and shift the hierarchy of their values.

Due to the variety of possible determinants of your partner's attitude towards sex, it is difficult to find a golden mean to solve your problem. The best solution would be to see your partner at a sexologist, but if you cannot persuade her, please do not put pressure on her about the frequency of sexual contacts or experiments that she does not want to do. This can only add to her discouragement. It probably takes time and a lot of patience on your part to slowly reach your partner and try to arouse her sexually. It is very important to talk honestly and get to know her sex needs and expectations thoroughly.

Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.

Agnieszka Chochoł

Sexologist, psychologist, Solution Focused Therapy therapist, certified ICC coach. He deals with promoting broadly understood sexual he alth as well as providing help and support in the field of sexual and psychological difficulties. She conducts individual therapy and couples therapy. More at: http://sulec-radom.pl/

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