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Hello. I am writing to you because I have a problem. It is related to the parents. They still blame me for something, even if I am doing something right. They keep blaming me and saying I'm angry. I can't listen to it anymore and it really tires me. They keep saying that everyone is better than me, that there are no positive qualities in me that they can see. Almost every day there are fights that they can't stand me, etc. I wear out slowly and they can't even see it. They are self-centered and keep repeating what good parents they are and that everyone would want them. They cannot look critically at themselves as parents. They don't really seem to be adults in raising children yet. Sometimes they are just disgusting. I'm fed up with them and this constant talk.
Probably your parents are behaving this way towards you because they want to motivate you to develop as well as possible, so that you achieve the best results both in your studies and in other areas of your life. They would probably like you to make their dreams come true, which they could not have realized themselves at your age. Many parents try to raise their children in this way, but, as you see yourself, it does not bring the expected result. On the contrary, it causes frustration, anger, fatigue and aversion to everything. Comparing with others does not make you try harder, it only leads to a feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem. Instead of praising you for your accomplishments, they hold a grudge against you for things you haven't done yet - probably because they're afraid that praise will make you stop trying. They are also afraid to trust your possibilities and need to constantly monitor your actions. Perhaps in the past their parents, and your grandparents, raised them in a similar way - that's why parents feel that this is the only form of good upbringing, because they simply do not know any other. The rebellion expressed by you does not improve your relationship, on the contrary, it reassures your parents that you are an irresponsible child who needs to be taken care of. Reminding your parents about their mistakes will not bring any positive results, just as it does not do any good for your parents to behave towards you. Parents,just like you, they will get angry when they hear the accusations against them. On the other hand, you can emphasize what your parents do to a positive and ask them for more positive behavior, for example ask them to praise you when you get a good exam grade, explaining that such recognition in their eyes will motivate you to continue working . On the other hand, rebellion, anger, aggression will not cause any positive changes, but will only contribute to an even greater conflict. Another method is to go (preferably together) to a psychologist who, in direct contact, getting to know your family, can offer more help.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Magdalena Krzak (Bogdaniuk)
Psychologist, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist and forensic sexologist. He has a Clinical Sexologist Certificate, awarded by the Polish Society of Sexology, after completing full specialization in clinical sexology in Warsaw, and a Court Sexologist Certificate. He deals with the treatment of sexual disorders in women and men. He works both individually and with couples. She conducts psychotherapy for victims of sexual violence. He conducts diagnostics and psychological support for transsexual people.
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